Anonymous: i got my arm cut up again; how u been doe
Heroin: u got it cut?
Anonymous: no
Heroin: or u cut your self?
Anonymous: i cut it
Heroin: oh u said u got it cut up again, like it was an accident
Anonymous: naw i took a razor and yea
Anonymous: sooo… hows life
Heroin: i'm concerned; u need some attention?
Anonymous: yea u gone give me some?
Heroin: life is the best i can make of it right now
Anonymous: naw i know why i did what i did
Heroin: sure if that's what it takes for you to stop threatening your life
Heroin: oh; okey dokey then.
Anonymous: i do love ur attention when i get it doe
Heroin: little man in your head made you a promise if u did it?
Anonymous: naw I’ve been having some rough months. Going through some things. u know? And cutting… that’s a way of taking that pain/hurt, and other feelings away just for a lil while. It brings me back down to reality
Heroin: really? You don't feel any of the pain when u cut your self ehh?
Anonymous: don’t threaten
Heroin: i feel pain during tattoos so my body must be really on some wrong path shit
Anonymous: lol i have a VERY high pain tolerance, matta of fact i got like 4 on my mind right now to get
Heroin: so I’m saying... when u cut your self, you bleed, you're sore, but now u have to worry about your arm instead of all the pressure that life has brought to you? so instead you... cut... to deal with a pain you can bandage up quickly? but that also leaves an external scar
Heroin: you want to cut your self in four different places?
Heroin: their all alined?
Anonymous: umm u know right above the wrist? lines on the top part all in a row
Heroin: I’m saying you got some artistic body sculpting shit going on? trying to decorate your death?
Anonymous: lol, im alot of things but im too coward to actually attempt to kill myself
Heroin: too coward? no u are CRAZY. man the ppl that think i'm crazy would be blown away if they knew you. how the hell are you too coward to press down if you are not too coward cut your wrist
Heroin: smh. whew girl u just made me need another blunt.
Anonymous: lol, im not crazy, far from it. if anything i straddle that line between crazy and sane; and these last cuts are superficial
Heroin: can i anonymous blog this?
Anonymous: yea sure go ahead
Heroin: this has shook'n my mind up
Anonymous: how it shook ur mind?
Anonymous: love u too ndya
Heroin: i love you too man; u still crazy tho
Anonymous: lol aye since ur high gimmie some tatt ideas
Heroin: where u getting it?
Anonymous: oddly enough; wrist. I’m thinking imma do pain is love around my left wrist, and then love is pain on my right wrist then on the inside its gonna be my capricorn symbol with some stars
Heroin: b/c that's the one that u don't cut on, or that will stop u from cutting it?
Anonymous: i cut on both
Heroin: i'm confused! AHHHHH -walks away with my head down
Anonymous: naw i just want some wrist tatts. dont leave. u know online u were the one person i let get inside my head so im my most dead honest wit u i have no reason to put up a front,u know that about me
Heroin: are u going to cut these tatts up after they heal or some crazy shit
Anonymous: gosh no; im not fuqkin up my tatts. da fuqk?
Heroin: you fucking up your wrist which is like some type of art to u, just to put art on top of the art you already created. and u want me to think you're not crazy. so what u gonna go to your arm next. until u put a tattoo there too?
Anonymous: naw no arm tattz
Heroin: u driven me in a loop
Anonymous: im a cutter. IM NOT EMO! and i dont cut myself every time someone tells me im useless, dumb, crazy. umm shyt like that. but i do take alot of shyt from ppl. for the last year i've been in a situation where ive been put down by someone im lovin just so she could pull me back up; and for the life of me i dont want to walk away from the situation. i take alot of shyt but i dont give. me cutting… its a way of coping.
Heroin: and u still put up with it
Anonymous: yea, because i feel like i need her
Heroin: so you'll just continue to cut to psychologically heal these emotions, these situations. because you rather cut then to be with out her
Anonymous: and she fusses wit me for cutting when she knows shes the reason. like this last episode she was like, “why u did that? U want me to fuqk u up?” like physically “beat the fuqk” out of me. Again! but thats another story
Heroin: whoa! she put her hands on u?
Anonymous: yea
Heroin: da hell?, really yo?
Anonymous: i rarely say this, or type this out loud. to anyone
Heroin: really? really... i mean really? that's how u allow shit to get down
Anonymous: but im in a mentally emotionally and physically abusive thing right now and im trying to find a way to get out, but i cant. i say i want to leave; move with my cuz, then she calls me cryin sayin she doesnt want me to leave
Heroin: i disapprove i'm really disappointed with you right now
Anonymous: yea; im disappointed wit myself, cuz i know im better than that i just didnt wanna admit that i let myself get into to that
Heroin: real talk. you need to stop settling for less. Any and everybody can tell you what you need to do for real but it's not going to change your mind or motivate you to do better for your self
Anonymous: see… its every one telling me i need to leave get away from her, but until im ready its pointless
Heroin: if you want to find happiness you need to first start with your self. and if you loved your self you wouldn't hurt your self by allowing your self to be hurt
Heroin: i mean exactly that's why i said any and every body could tell you w/e but it's up to you to put you first when it comes to your mental, physical, emotional health... all that starts with you
Anonymous: see… and the ppl that i need u know they're turnin they're back on me, and its like “all ur friends are leavin u, but u still got me”
Heroin: do you realize why they can't stay? Because they can't stand to see you keep doing this shit to your self; this girl got you wrapped up like that? i mean really though?
Anonymous: yea she does we "dont go together" but we've been in a situation since last feb
Heroin: it's that serious where you can't think clearly enough to make a self conscious decision for your own benefit
Anonymous: shes gotten pregnant on me, was sleeping wit a whole other female, using my whip to ride this chick around
Heroin: oh man, oh man i really need to smoke again. u got me on some shit.
Anonymous: had the white man she was fuqkin, the other chick she was fuqkin, and me all in her house
Heroin: i'm completely flabbergasted
Anonymous: chillin... and the sad part is, i still love her... so yea i am crazy
Heroin: and the fact that you know all this. You sat right in front of it. and she just so connivingly did all this shit to you right in front your face and you're sitting here like every thing is all copasetic got me totally fucked up. Are you sure you're black?
Anonymous: i respected the fact that she was honest with me from jump; everything that she told me everything i told u
Heroin: leave it right there; that's ok. Don’t say nothing else lol